A firework display with a topical Austerity theme went down faster than the value of the post Brexit pound last night, leaving revellers assured that 2018 will be as shite as the last eight years.
The optimistic crowd gathered at Mumbles Cricket Club for the display, but were left underwhelmed when just 1% of the display went well and the remaining 99% were left unlit and in a state of poverty.
Attendee Pete Bowen said: “The Budget favoured the biggest, fanciest and most obnoxious firework.
“It was allowed to be louder than the set decibel limit because it was elite and the sparks that came from it were meant to trickle down to improve the prospects of the poorer fireworks.
“Suffice to say the trickle down theory didn’t work and no sparks reached the poor, dishevelled fireworks at the bottom.”
Tory Councillor and event organiser Theresa Connell said: “Its not true that we left the less influential, slightly damaged fireworks to rot.
“We allowed them to be there, they were there to be used by the more powerful firework, which is an excellent opportunity for them and statistically it means they were employed.
“There’s no bottomless pit of money to give to meagre fireworks an opportunity to be lit, but we did supply a large cut of it to Northern Ireland to thank them for their firework display and to Richard Branson because he said we should.”
photo credit: Ádám Fehér <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/146177896@N06/32634575905″>Variations on a theme</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>