A 49 year old man from Killay, who recently splurged on a Porsche and a Superdry jumper, thinks Donald Trump is ‘absolutely right’ to be covering up his inadequacies with comments about how much bigger his thing is in comparison to Kim Jong Un’s thing.

Pete Bowen, currently third on a hair transplant waiting list, made the comments after the President of the United f**king States of America tweeted that his nuclear button was ‘much bigger’ and ‘much more powerful’ than his North Korean’s counterpart.

Bowen said: “It resonates with me, because I’m back on the market after 25 years and I think all the ‘boys’ in their 20s are hogging the women who fancy a bit of maturity in their life and I’m also a misogynistic arse.

“I see these lads driving around in their Fiestas, listening to all that Blake or Drake or whatever it is, but I have my very own ‘trump’ card, which is the Porsche I take better care of than my own children and a Best of Simply Red CD playing on loop.

“Something got me started baby. Lock up your daughters.”

Pete’s ex-wife Theresa Connell said: “While we’re on Simply Red I should probably mention ‘money’s too tight to mention’ and the CSA will be very interested to learn about little dick’s Porsche.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s joined a gun club and booked a tattoo the pathetic bastard.”

Bowen added: “I’ve recently joined a gun club and had a tattoo done on my thigh, I stuffed my boxers with a massive sock because the tattoo artist was sexy and it’s a grower, you know.”


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