With tens of thousands of patients in England facing postponed operations due to another NHS winter crisis, Jeremy Hunt has appeared on television in an undisclosed location and apologised for being himself.
Hunt, wearing his NHS badge in a bid to really piss off hospital staff, confirmed that he’s sorry that people can’t have life changing surgery like hip operations or post cancer constructive surgery, but did manage to make a Hunt of himself by stating patients “should probably make better lifestyle choices”.
Hunt said: “OK, alright, look, ‘whoopsie’ and all that. But in our defence, how could we possibly forecast another winter? We don’t have crystal balls; we do have platinum plated diamond encrusted balls, but no crystal ones.
“People have no idea how difficult my position is, do you think it’s easy to underfund the NHS and beckon the private sector to come in? So many of my counterparts have stakes in private healthcare firms I can barely keep up.
“Lying in Parliament? Easy, is it? We created the NHS remember, you should bow down to our socially minded creation and just let Virgin Care get on with the job in hand.”
Patient Pete Bowen from Dudley told us: “Thanks for the apology you massive Hunt. I was even more delighted to hear that my operation had been rescheduled for ‘as soon as possible’, I’ll make sure to book it off with my employer.”
Hunt added: “While you’re waiting around you may as well purchase and read the book I co-authored called ‘Direct Democracy: An Agenda For A New Model Party’.
“Make sure you pay for it; don’t go to your local library because I’ll have it closed down.”
photo credit: tedeytan <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/22526649@N03/8950253489″>UK Secretary of State for Health Jeremy Hunt and Dr. Mark Davies visit the Center for Total Health 25424</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a>