Orange coloured celebrity, entrepreneur and political maverick Captain Beany, has confirmed on Twitter that he is, in fact, a very stable genius.
Beany was forced to speak out following claims made in a new book written by political rival Stephen Kinnock, which stated that Captain Beany would regularly cheat on his beloved beans, sharing sensual baths with spaghetti hoops.
It also suggested that Beany lives in separate quarters to his baked bean laden property, sleeping in a Laura Ashley bed with walls painted in magnolia.
Captain Beany said: “Sloppy Stephen Kinnock begged me to spend the night in the Baked Bean Museum of Excellence and because I said no he’s come out and written these lies.
“Now that the Heinz collusion rumours have proven to be a complete hoax on the Aberavon public, the man who’s Dad fell in the sea in Brighton is producing bake news to make me out to be some sort of has bean.”
Beany continued: “Actually, since I changed my name by deed poll to Captain Beany in 1991, my biggest strengths have been my unwavering passion and championing of baked beans and my mental stabeanity.
“I went from working in IT to sitting in a bath of beans for over 100 hours, registering the trademark ‘credit crunch’ to having 60 baked beans tattooed on my head.
“I think qualifies me as a stable genius, or stable beanius, a very stable beanius.”
Political analyst Pete Bowen said: “Its difficult to know how true it is that Captain Beany indulged in a bath with spaghetti hoops. It’s a strong accusation.
“Think what you like of the Real Bean, but all I know is that he’s raised a lot more charity than most. Anyone who completes the Sport Relief mile on their hands and knees while pushing a tin of baked beans has to be a genius.”
See more of Captain Beany’s message to President Trump here: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e_xqlY8mpTw
Find out more about Captain Beany at http://www.captainbeany.com