Golf clubs across Swansea recorded record levels of dick swinging from men last year, it’s been confirmed.

The pastime, loosely passed off as a sport, has drawn in more members looking to engage in pissing contests and talking themselves up financially than ever before.

Club steward at Clyne Golf Club Pete Bowen said: “With the demise of working men’s clubs and previously acceptable levels of sexual harassment being outlawed, we’ve found our membership steadily increasing.

“The baby boomer generation is a God send. We have groups of men competing over financial portfolios, generous pensions, season tickets at football and who can drive the most powerful car the slowest.

“They’re the last generation to have financial freedom before everything is fucked. Sometimes I approach a crowd of them and sniff their glistening, musty heads so I can associate a smell with the good times.”

Clyne Member Rob Gray, 69, said: “My mate Simon drives a practical Mercedes B Class, but also has a boat which is really cool. He’s also divorced, which I find interesting and he hasn’t even passed blood in the toilet yet.

“My other friend Clive is from Cardiff, so we have some tremendous football banter before jumping in the showers and comparing the fatty lumps on our weathered, naked bodies.

“I love my friend Nigel the most because he has the British Steel pension and is still playing his trade as a slum landlord, he’s coining it in and I tell everyone I meet all about him. If I could I’d make love to him because I bet it’s majestic.”

Rob’s wife Cheryl added: “I complain that Rob’s always up the golf club but it’s wonderful that he’s not at home talking about Nigel all the time.

“The sex with Nigel is OK but he drives a BMW 7 Series for a reason.”

photo credit: wuestenigel <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/30478819@N08/37567678030″>Golf Hole with Ball and Flag</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

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