A leaked memo has confirmed that Swansea Council is planning to sell off Bishopston to Surrey in order to help plug budget cuts from Westminster.

The memo, which has surprised everyone because who writes memos nowadays, provides details on a proposed deal to sell the area to the English County in order to allow the Council to fund vital public services.

Secret memo leaker, Pete Bowen, said: “Austerity is here to stay for some reason, so we figured we’d identify an area who vote Conservative and sell it on to another area who vote Conservative so that we could invest in schools and social care.

“You reap what you sow, Bishopston.”

Bowen continued: “It’s not like Bishopston is Mumbles, where there’s some things to do and it’s not as idyllic as proper Gower either. People holiday in Mumbles and ‘proper’ Gower, they don’t holiday in Bishopston just because there’s a Coop.”

Surrey Council spokesperson Theresa Connell said: “We’ve spent some time looking at the community news and Facebook pages, there’s a hint of passive aggressiveness from some corners of the community and we like it.

“Adding Bishopston to our portfolio will provide our residents with a fun bit of land to play on. Their 3 bedroom properties are the same price as the dolls houses we buy for our children!

“It’s super great that they vote Conservative too, although we’re not sure why they would. That being said, there’s real wealth here and we’re happy to have helpers in order for that wealth to be protected.

“We can’t wait for you to meet our village idiot Jeremy Hunt.”

Bowen added: “We’d like to thank Bishopston for that shop I bought Scalextric cars from.”

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