SWANSEA: Earthquake uncovers mysterious lost village called ‘Skewen’

An earthquake which hit Swansea yesterday has uncovered a strange, lost village which appears to be known to its inhabitants as ‘Skewen’.

The earthquake measured a 4.4 magnitude and sent shockwaves through the city. It led to unprecedented levels of predictable memes of a toppled chair being shared on social media, along with questionable ‘satire’, stating the cause was ‘someone fat falling over with a kebab’ or that the quake ’caused improvements’.

While the effect of the quake was brief, it was powerful enough to uncover an area with a population of around 8,500, who may or may not all be related.

A seismologist visiting from America, Dr Pete Bowen, said: “It’s a fascinating discovery, they’re almost advanced enough to survive in mainland Swansea. It’s positive they’re located in Neath, as it’s an area they’ll be able to catch up with quicker.

“They have a very distinctive look and in years to come, as they possibly attempt integration, they will be recognised as what we’re calling a Skewener. They look dubiously similar, like people who were brought up on farms.

“They haven’t quite developed appropriate linguistic skills and are yet to grasp simple facts; for example they absurdly refer to Bonnie Tyler as ‘Gaynor Hopkins’.”

Skewener Theresa Connell said: “It’s alright by here mind.”

Bowen added: “Swansea really needs to forget about Skewen and worry about the absolute mess this earthquake appears to have made of your city centre.

“I’ve seen some of the most devastating consequences of earthquakes all over the world, but never a city centre with this level of destruction.”