Victoria Park in St Helen’s is to be given a new gender neutral name and will soon be known as ‘Jesse Park’.

Swansea Council has decided to rename the park, founded by probable misogynists in 1887, in order to rid the city of Daily Mail readers who’ll spontaneously combust when they hear the news.

Councillor Pete Bowen said: “We’ve been wrong to assume the park is female all these years just because there’s no obvious penis.

“She, sorry this is going to take some getting used to, ‘it’ is a beautiful park which is steeped in history. But we’re prepared to remove the name to sacrifice readers of the Daily Mail, Daily Express and The Sun from the city.

“You’ll still be able to play games and admire floral displays, so really it won’t impact on your life in any way whatsoever, unless of course you read terrible newspapers and then it’ll be Armageddon.”

Daily Mail reader Theresa Connell said: “I’m outraged by this because it’s an assault on penises, vaginas and white Christians.

“It’s bad enough Jeremy Corbyn used the park during the First World War to supply Germans with logins to internet servers in Westminster, but surely this signifies the end of humanity as we we so desperately want to know it?”

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