The Mumbles Pier owners have warned that if plans to build flats on the foreshore aren’t approved they’ll behead Nansi the Gorilla.
The owners made the threat to murder the much loved gorilla, currently laid flat in an undignified way on the pier, to Swansea Council and anyone else who wished to object against the plans.
Pier spokesperson Theresa Connell said: “You’ve got two options. Either approve of the development and we’ll give Nansi a luxurious penthouse apartment.
“Alternatively you can cause a fuss and if you do, we’ll shove her in a guillotine at the end of the pier and bring Lee Trundle down to scissor kick her head into the sea.”
Councillor Pete Bowen said: “I don’t like being blackmailed in this way, I’d rather have some sort of cash incentive but nobody ever does that.
“Principally its my job to listen to what the electorate have to say and then go with the decision that impresses me the most.
“This Nansi business feels a big Godfather like and I quite like it! I dream that Rob Stewart will one day peel back his silk bedsheets and Nansi’s head will be in it.”
Nansi added: “At this stage of my life I don’t want to be used as a pawn in some planning tug of war.
“I’d hoped to retire to Weston Super Mare pier or Thailand. Although after laying flat on my back for the last few years, a penthouse with a view would be quite nice.”
photo credit: ndl642m <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/30581663@N05/34795379465″>Mumbles – Wales – April 2017</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a>