The Evening Post has been acquired by a consortium of restaurant owners who have one or zero star food hygiene ratings, to prevent the paper from printing stories about how stinking their restaurants are.

The consortium, made up of restaurants and takeaways across South West Wales, made the move in order to protect their businesses from pictures of faeces and grease being published and to prevent them from having to post comments like “it was because of the paperwork” on Facebook.

Restauranteur Pete Bowen said: “My restaurant’s one star rating was listed in the paper the other day and it’s cost me a fortune in cancellations.

“I was about to make all the improvements, but you should see the state of the kitchen, it’d take me hours. I just figured we could all club together to buy the paper instead and then nobody would ever have to know.”

Takeaway owner Theresa Connell added: “No more pictures of all the rat droppings all over my kitchen, or the raw meat I nestle on top of the gone off salad that nobody wants which I add to kebabs.

“There’ll also be no more articles about the extreme weather we’re never going to have, plus you’ll soon be able to put obituaries on chip boxes.”