‘Men’ who identify as vegan or vegetarian are to miss out on fellatio today because they won’t eat cow, as the city embraces Steak and Blowjob Day.

The pretty sexist day, which is for a good cause so it’s fine, is held a month after Valentine’s Day because that’s just for girls and ironically a week after International Women’s Day.

Vegan Pete Bowen said: “Oh look, another day to marginalise vegans. Quelle surprise.

“Not happy with terrible choices in restaurants and flaunting all your milk, we’re now denied oral for 24 hours every year because we won’t eat steak.”

Pete’s friend Rob Gray said: “I told him being vegan was a mistake.

“Sure you’re slimmer than you used to be around the time we used to have a 24 box of chicken nuggets each. OK, your heart’s healthier and yes, you have a lower risk of cancer. But no head for you today.

“Actually as I’m married, my chances are exactly how I like my steak, rare.”

Pete’s girlfriend added: “I’m secretly pleased because he’s overdone the tofu over the last few days and it makes his semen taste like bunions.”

photo credit: Edsel L <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/27119975@N00/24934392387″>Ribeye</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;