Dear Eddie,

We want tell you how sorry we are, how sorry all of us who finished in the top 3 are.

We’re sorry you’re the saviour of English rugby, which gave you your platform to make derogatory comments against us. With that in mind, we’re really, really sorry you finished fifth.

We’re sorry the next games of in the Autumn internationals could present you with a 3-0 whitewash, or six key defeats. We’re so, so sorry because it wasn’t like this a year ago.

We’re sorry you didn’t know the microphone was still on.

We’re sorry Wales only has a population of 3 million and we’re so small and shitty.

You were right, of course you were right because you’re you, if you combine Wales, Scotland and Ireland, we’re still nearly 40 million behind England. So collectively, we’re sorry about being so small. We’d tell you to your face, but France is in between us in fourth and we can’t see past them.

We’re sorry you promised your corporate friends you’d beat scummy Ireland this year, it’s a shame you can’t deliver. Sorry. Oh, if you’re wondering where Owen Farrell is, you’ll find him in Johnny Sexton’s pocket.

We’re sorry you’ll start next year’s campaign in scummy Ireland. We’re sorry they’ll be so motivated to beat you. Again.

We’re sorry you have Mike Brown, that’s not fair at all.

We’re sorry you’ve hampered your own chances of either having the Lions job, or at least having any credibility throughout the Nations if you do get it.

Most of all, we’re sorry how embarrassing all of this is for you and how embarrassing it is to watch you not realise.

Best wishes,

The scummy, the shitty and the Scottish (where’s our f**king nickname?).

photo credit: Steve_C <a href=”″>Eddie Jones</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;