Have you ever fancied taking something which was wonderfully formed after years’ of work and slowly picking it apart until it’s virtually destroyed?
Are you bored of being lauded as a club owned and operated by the fans? Playing too much nice football? Do you like selling precious belongings and replacing them with cast offs?
Have you become too big for your boots? Mixing with people above your status? Are you bored of doing a good job and fancy changing a positive into a negative?
Then read our 15 step guide on removing the status and identity of a football club:
1. Start by talking about maintaining ‘the philosophy’ and then renege on it.
2. Begin to take control of elements of the club which other people were previously doing a good job with, like transfers.
3. Sell some good players.
4. As your form begins to decline, post pictures of the lavish hospitality you’re enjoying at away games.
5. As the rot sets in, do not begin to do silly things like ‘learn from mistakes’, just keep going. You’ll get there.
6. Sell some more good players.
7. Find ways to guarantee finances so that it doesn’t bite you on the ass when things go tits up.
8. Get carried away with American hedge funds. Don’t worry if you don’t know what you’re doing, it’ll sound really cool when you talk about it up the golf club.
9. Bob Bradley.
10. Bring in a succession of new managers, ideally with not much Premier League experience, but don’t give them a budget and then repeat steps 3 and 6.
11. Tell everyone ‘there’s no money’.
12. Begin to operate some underhanded tactics to get rid of some of those irritating people who helped the club previously.
13. Do NOT be a slave to the fans. Just the investors.
14. Buy back some players from steps 3 and 6. But not the best ones.
15. Go on a long holiday from the 13th of May.
photo credit: wuestenigel <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/30478819@N08/39157651421″>View from above on the table with a notebook and goals for 2018 year</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>