The BBC’s Biggest Weekend is much f**king bigger in Belfast, it’s been revealed.
The discovery was made by local ticket holder Pete Bowen, 38, after he visited the event’s website to see if his ticket meant he could avoid watching Ed Sheeran.
Bowen said: “I’m not being funny but they’ve got Orbital, Beck, The Manics, Underworld and Goldie. They’ve even got Neneh Cherry who I had my first wank over in ‘93.
“There’s a whole menu of drugs I could take and listen to Belfast’s line up but I have to be really selective with ours. I can’t really do any gurners because there’s nothing to ‘come up’ to.
“The Manics are Welsh, Underworld formed in Cardiff and Goldie’s from the West Midlands. Why can’t we have the Radio 6 event?
“Niall f**king Horan? Wrong Direction mate.”
Swansea Councillor Theresa Connell said: “You know it’s negativity from people who disagree with things that cause us problems in this town.
“I’m sure when Craig Bellamy and Rita Sullivan start playing their pianos all will be forgotten and we’ll have a lovely time, which everyone will express by picking up their own litter as we won’t be supplying any extra staff because of austerity.”
Bowen added: “Please tell me ‘Greg James’ is an edgy Zane Lowe type presenter?”