Loads of bellends from Swansea have confirmed that they’re off to Ibiza this summer.
The bellends, who have better ‘sesh’ stories than people who’ve been to Ibiza less than them, are off to the island once they’ve finished waxing their body hair and have found a new ridiculous haircut.
Bellend Pete Bowen, 28, said: “Cant wait to hit ‘the island’ again this year. Oh, if you’re wondering what ‘the island’ is, it’s what seasoned mad heads like me call Ibiza.
“I’m going to do stuff that people back home only dream of doing, like having a drink with a sparkler in it because I’m VIP.
“If you know you know.”
Self confessed ‘party princess’ Theresa Connell, 21, said: “I just hate the way it’s become so commercial and full of girls in pink tops with nicknames on the back. It’s just so last year, and it was cool then because I did it.
“This year I reckon I may stay out there and work as a promoter and live in a big villa with cocaine. Maybe I could give tours to all the amateurs who are like 20 and really naive.”
Rob Gray, 32, said: “I’ve spent the last 6 months getting ready for this by shredding my body so I look like someone from Love Island.
“All that time in the gym, drinking disgusting protein shakes and smoothies will be totally worth it when I’m putting all those chemicals in my system.
“I even stopped paying child maintenance two months ago so I could have more money to spend on expensive bottles of water. That’s commitment.”
photo credit: ¡Carlitos <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/10297518@N00/11051376083″>Hed Kandi – 10 years in Ibiza</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a>