The Conservative Party have refused to back the Swansea Bay Tidal Lagoon, but have counter offered with some more abject misery instead.

The party, busy with plans to invest billions into English cities and a third runway at Heathrow, eventually made the announcement yesterday.

Tory spokesperson Pete Bowen said: “The announcement did take a long time, which absolutely wasn’t a ‘delaying the inevitable’ tactic, but more of a ‘let’s give them hope’ one. Which, for the record, I think was a success.

“Instead of creating lots of jobs and boosting the flagging economy, we thought the good people of ‘over there’ would prefer some negative stability instead.

“You can’t not get that new job if it doesn’t exist in the first place. It’s win-win.”

Swansea Council spokesperson Theresa Connell said: “This isn’t really great news. Even our call centres are leaving us and we kind of need some skills, jobs or anything.

“At least we were promised to receive a fair share of cash post Brexit by…oh s**t, Alun Cairns said that?”

Bowen added: “Look at how thriving your opiate and cocaine sectors are since we got rid of all of the industry in your little country. Sure it’s a strain on the health service, but the good news is health is devolved so we don’t pick up the bill.

“Perhaps now all this Tidal energy and electrification nonsense is out of the way you could hit us with another idea to reject? Or maybe we can privatise the DVLA and move it to Germany?

“If there’s anything we can do to mess up another generation then we will. We’re all in this together.”

photo credit: prusakolep <a href=”″>Swansea beach</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;