The current heatwave has been confirmed as a record breaking one, as more bellends than ever before are venturing out in the sunshine.

The bellends, who have been spotted all over the city, are threatening to ruin everyone’s summer just by being themselves.

Massive knob Pete Bowen said: “I love summer because I get to wear a basketball vest which show off the guns, which are a result of drinking protein shakes and doing very little when I go to the gym.

“Have you seen my white skinny jeans which go down to my shins yet?

“Me and the boys have all got brightly coloured cars and we drive around shouting at birds. I’ve got no idea why we’re all single to be honest.”

Young bellend Rob Gray said: “I’m down the beach loads at the moment. I like the beach because we have barbecues and a few cans and then the sea washes it all away, so we don’t even have to tidy up.

“I’ve bought a scooter this year too, so it’s probably me you can hear driving around while you’re trying to put your children to sleep. You’re welcome.”

Female bellend Theresa Connell said: “Is it even summer if me and my friends aren’t ruining your quiet drink in a beer garden?

“If you’re lucky I’ll swear really loudly, knock your glass of red wine over you and smoke the moment your food arrives.

“It’s summer, get over it.”

photo credit: calebunseth <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/92292245@N00/3560949197″>Mac & Jack FTW</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

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