A Conservative voter who was reported missing by his family has been found on Oxwich beach with his head buried deep in the sand, it has emerged.
38 year old Brexiteer and Tory advocate Pete Bowen, was reported missing after David Davis and Boris Johnson deserted this week, signalling the further demise and out of control incompetence of the party.
Upon discovery Bowen said: “I just figured we’d leave, collect our blue passports and bathe in opportunity.
“I dreamt of reclaiming sovereignty and making racist and homophobic jibes without retribution, like we did in the 70s. Now Jeremy Corbyn may get in and take us back to the 70s, it’s frightening.
“Oh, and something about Venezuela.”
Bowen continued: “I’m deeply concerned about the NHS, my public sector job and
EU funding, so I voted Conservative at the last election to protect all of these interests. The Daily Mail also said Corbyn was a communist. I’m not sure what that is, but it was in the paper so it has to be true.”
A spokesperson for South Wales Police said: “I can confirm that we rescued a bellend of a man yesterday after his dreadful chinos were found protruding from the sand on Oxwich beach.
“I’d describe him as 6ft with brown hair, brown eyes and an arrogant piece of shit. He was disheveled and muttering “strong and stable” and “Brexit means Brexit” continuously when we found him.
“He’s currently in hospital being cared for by foreign nurses and complaining about the fact his wife doesn’t need to pay to park when she visits.”
Bowen added: “The only things keeping me going are working people using food banks and Universal Credit stopping children from eating.
“I’d be lost without my traditional Tory values.”
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