Swansea has decided to do away with all that fitness nonsense and replace 360 Beach and Watersports with a Wetherspoons.

The venue will move from its heritage as a sports influenced venue by selling burgers with no beef content and lagers from anywhere but Europe.

Wetherspoons spokesperson Pete Bowen said: “Do you think Tim Martin got to where he is today by waterskiing or flying kites?

“The owner of Wetherspoons is who everyone should aspire to be, a self serving snowflake repellent.

“We’ll keep some of the sports theme going, at chucking out time everyone will be able to congregate out the front by the beach and watch drunk people fighting.

“Our menu will have some healthy food choices as well, as each meal will come with the option of either chips or fried potatoes.”

360 regular Theresa Connell said: “I’m not sure how I feel about going from participating in beach sports to drinking cheap beer at 9am.

“I used to enjoy sitting back and reading Kite Surfers Monthly while drinking a freshly made coffee, I guess I’ll just have to get used to reading anti-EU beer mats while getting blind drunk before lunchtime.”

Bowen added: “Don’t forget to ask about our children’s party packages! We’ll take them in at 15 and exploit them until they die of liver failure.

“Can’t do that in your ‘sports cafe’.”

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