Swansea City owners Jason Levien and Steve Kaplan decided against buying a marked down Tesco ham and cheese sandwich, despite selling all of their Finest range sandwiches first.
The American majority shareholders released a statement yesterday to confirm the decision was a ‘cultural one’, and that the fans need to shoulder the blame for a series of questionable sandwich purchases over the last 12 months.
Levien said: “The ham and cheese sandwich tempted Steve and I because it was 60p off. But we wanted 90p off because we bought a turkey, Emmental and mustard roll for £3.50 last season and it didn’t score a home run.”
Kaplan added: “Wanting to blend into British culture I splurged £2.50 on a vintage cheddar and caramelised onion quiche in January, but did it do a touchdown? No it did not.”
Levien continued: “We entered Tesco Llansamlet relentless in our determination to buy a cheap sandwich, because we have the financial resources to not just buy a sandwich, but a meal deal and a big Snickers.
“After selling a range of premier standard smoked salmon and cream cheese and roast chicken and Lincolnshire sausage sandwiches however, we’ve opted to head back to the States to spend the recouped cash on expensive pretzels instead.
Chairman Huw Jenkins said: “I don’t really know what they’re doing. They don’t know what they’re doing and none of us know what we’re doing. We’re actually a very coherent board.
“They should’ve listened to me and bought that Rustlers burger from the sale of the aged Aberdeen Angus steak that Martin sells in his hotel.”
Fan Pete Bowen added: “They’re clearly preparing us for a life of making our own sandwiches out of one slice of bread.
“It’s mad to think that in 2013 we were dining out on Parma ham and Danish meat in Naples.
“Now it’s f**king Preston at home with a slice of Kingsmill, no butter.”
photo credit: Jack Tanner <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/47365129@N07/6780707080″>Liberty Stadium</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a>