So you’re 18, or if you couldn’t be arsed last year 19, and media outlets want to broadcast your petrified little faces as your trembling hands open that dreaded envelope.

We’re desperate for a bit of this action, so we’ve spent this morning speaking with students who don’t look particularly Oxbridge before they collect their results.

Our Education Correspondent has been loitering outside schools and colleges with a camera for the first time since the end of term, here’s what pupils have been telling him on their way in.

Pete Bowen, 18, said: “I’m a bit nervous because if I don’t get the grades I need for Uni, my parents have said I need to get a job.

“The summer break has been amazing so I’m not ready to commit myself to a 9-5, especially as I’ve only just discovered ketamine.

“I guess I could be an estate agent and still get away with doing loads of drugs, but being a ‘sales negotiator’ would bring a lot of shame on my family.”

Theresa Connell, 19, said: “I did Geography, English, History and Economics and hoping for at least B’s.

“Eventually I hope to use my qualifications to become an Instagram influencer, then once I have enough experience, go on Love Island.”

Rob Gray, 18, said: “I spent a lot of time masturbating in the run up to my exams, which has been a running theme since my GCSEs.

“I can’t see me doing all that well, plus the careers advice I’ve had has been terrible.

“With any luck some absolute wanker like Clarkson who’s managed to make loads of money despite being himself, will tweet something inspirational and then everything will be OK.”

photo credit: Krypto <a href=”″>Exam Results Day 2001 – Stephen’s Results</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;