A Comprehensive School has advised pupils that they must wear a uniform with school logos on the trousers and tops, because it’ll almost certainly never happen again in their lives.

Headteacher Pete Bowen, who hasn’t left school in 43 years, even made pupils who weren’t branded up like farm sheep stay in a room while all the branded children went outside for yard time.

Mr Bowen said: “When these children are in their 30s and working in creative marketing or something, they’ll thank me for all of this.

“When those children whose parents didn’t get their uniform in time and couldn’t mix with their peers reflect when they’re inevitably in prison, they will remember me and they will whisper “thanks, Sir. Thank you for the valuable lesson.”

Bowen continued: “I don’t see anything wrong with instilling archaic rules. The teachers and I are dressed terribly like we always are, why should the children have a chance to express themselves through motif free clothes?

“Do you think it’s easy for Rob from the PE Department to wear Russell Athletic tracksuit bottoms and heavily Brylcreemed hair like some sort of middle aged sex pest?”

Year 9 pupil Theresa Connell said: “I come to school partly to learn, but I mostly come for the military style discipline.

“People known as gammons cry out that ‘rules are rules’ all the time, and I’m desperate to get a piece of that action so I don’t become a terrorist or something when I’m older.”

History teacher Mrs Gray added: “I was a bit lazy with my planning over summer and this reminds me of something I should probably be teaching.

“A leader who insists on saluting a badge? Isolating those who are different and not respecting the uniform?

“I’m sure it’ll come to me soon.”

photo credit: WFULawSchool <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/38420014@N03/29846409496″>Professor Mark Hall</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;