A Birchgrove Dad has insisted on doing a home display for fireworks night again this year, which will ruin the evening for the fourth year running.
42 year old Plumber Pete Bowen will pretend to have learnt from last year’s effort and optimistically promise his family the ‘display of their lives’, before drunkenly putting his foot through the shed in anger at around 9pm.
Bowen said: “Last year was an improvement on 2016 because I managed to attach the Catherine wheel to the fence. Unfortunately not quite long enough to light it, but softly, softly catchy monkey.
“In the past my selfish and unreasonable family have been glaring at me while I try to get the thing working, driving me to alcohol, cursing and then damaging my own property.
“It’ll be different this year because I’ve matured a lot over the last 12 months. I’m not the guy who snarls at my wife and children over my inability to complete simple tasks anymore. Last week I emptied the dishwasher.”
Pete’s wife Theresa said: “Last year’s Catherine wheel lay unlit in our garden until August, so he’s had plenty of time to reflect on what happened.
“As a contingency I’ve accepted an invite to our neighbours Rob and Cheryl’s house as they’re having a bit of a party.
“Rob is an excellent host and last year’s display in their house was talked about for months. I’m sure that Pete knowing I’ve accepted this because of his inevitable failure, and that Rob has a better paid job, nicer car and fantastic body will take the pressure off a bit.”