‘‘Twas the weekend before Black Friday on your work party you were out. A works party so you shouldn’t have put so much cocaine up your snout!
The opening paragraph was a joke, but in all seriousness last night signified the penultimate Friday before Christmas, which is peak time for being really drunk and embarrassing yourself in front of the people you work with.
What sits behind, what on the face of it, should be a fun way to unwind at the end of the year, are tales of debauchery and inappropriateness with people you barely know but spend a lot of time with.
If you were grinding up against your younger colleague in Peppermint, sniffing someone from Finance, fighting with your new Line Manager or vomiting all over La Prensa last night, we’ve collated ways to beat your conscience.
1. Buy lots of festive things for the family you let down last night
Given how inappropriate you were last night, it may be a good idea to purchase that real Christmas tree today and not put up the fake white one on the 24th like you usually do.
Go overboard and hang some lights outside, standing on a ladder in the wind and rain will give you time to reflect, but also focus your mind.
2. Play Christmas music in the house
The sound of carols will help you forget calling Carol from HR ‘an uptight bitch’ over your dry turkey main course.
Singing along to Jingle Bells with your family will help to push out the crippling flashbacks from last night.
3. Buy your spouse an early present
Everything will be forgotten if you spend some cash on your other half today.
They won’t be remotely suspicious about this and definitely won’t think it’s because you were cornering the recently divorced Administrator who looks fantastic now.
4. Go home
Chipping in for a bag of gak with the lads from the warehouse probably seemed like a good idea at the time, but it’s light now and regret is creeping in.
Don’t make your partner put out another Facebook missing person appeal, get yourself home and hope that Christmas means they’re in a more forgiving mood than when you did this at Halloween.