Leave voters welcomed in the New Year knowing that Britain is another step closer to returning to the good old days of the 18th century.

The voters, who saw the new year in over a sumptuous dinner of gruel and bread slathered in lard, excitedly discussed all the opportunities the inevitable forthcoming no deal Tory Brexit will give us.

Brexiteer Pete Bowen said: “We won! In just over three months we’ll be able to start a war with the bloody French if we want to.

“I don’t see why we just don’t get on with it. There was loads of disease, famine and rationed food back then. We’re alright now aren’t we?”

Leave enthusiast Theresa Connell added: “The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer anyway, so why not create a clearer line and do a Brexit? What better way to kick things off than stockpiling tinned food?

“We can get over the fact that people have lower life expectancies now by bellowing out a rendition of ‘Rule, Britannia’ every morning before going to our manufacturing jobs and being laid off.”

Brexiteer Rob Gray added: “Economic growth is for Johnny foreigner EU countries, we’ll probably just invade them all now anyway and make them our slaves.

“I have a great solution for post Brexit wage growth, pay them nothing to begin with and the only way is up. We’ll show ‘em!

“With any luck we’ll have another plague this year for old times sake. That’ll sort the men from the boys.”

Advertisements