A consortium of inadequate middle aged men is rumoured to be behind the acquisition of Swansea’s big, phallic Meridian Tower.

The 40 to 50 somethings, known as the Still Relevant Group Ltd, are set to announce the deal at an 80s themed student night later.

Consortium partner Pete Bowen, 52, said: “Yes I have the Porsche Cayenne, the Lycra and the sexual appeal and ability of a 21 year old. But I needed to go bigger, you know?

“I was sat watching the tower in amongst the sunset the other week. It was glistening in the red sky, all girthy and long.

“I turned to a group of young ladies nearby and said “that reminds me of something. My cock.” They loved it, but were maybe a bit intimidated of my apparent size because they gave me a funny look.”

Pete’s colleague Rob Gray added: “I like to own big things and show them off. There’s no obvious reason for this and it’s definitely not to make up for anything else.

“My ex wife reckons I have ‘small man syndrome’, which is impossible because I’m 5’9”, which is basically 6ft when you round it up.

“I’ve nicknamed the tower ‘morning glory’, because that, ladies, is what you’ll see when you spend the night in my apartment complex for over 50s.

“Granted, it may not be as robust as that anymore, but like the tower you’ll still pull the same horrified face when you see it for the first time.”

photo credit: TruTourism <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/25180851@N08/4005023854″>Under Meridian Bay Tower</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;