Dogs have announced that they’ll be taking a break from popular beaches because they’re dangerous and messy when occupied by humans.
The announcement, made by the Bureau of Active Resident K9s (BARKs), coincides with beaches becoming overrun by vile humans burning stuff and dumping rubbish.
Alsatian Pete Bowen said: “We’ve had a good run at things over winter. The beaches have been nice and clear and several of us successfully found ‘the ball’ this year.
“A few of the BARKs committee have raised concerns in recent weeks because the nicer weather has brought out two legged animals mistreating the public space.”
Labradoodle Theresa Connell added: “I like to get my tongue flapping out of my mouth and run around like a lunatic like the next dog.
“What I can’t cope with is accidentally eating cigarette ends and burning my paws on disposable barbecues which haven’t been disposed.”
Summer beach visitor Rob Gray said: “Dogs are disgusting. The last thing I need to see when I’m bunging my empty flagon of cider into the rock pools is a playful dog.
“What if it bites me while I bury empty cans of Fosters into the sand? Or tries to judge me when my Lidl carrier bag blows away into the sea? I don’t need that.”