Offices across Swansea are embracing World Cup fever by fraternising with colleagues like drunk, curious rugby boys.

HR managers and company directors across the city will ‘look the other way’ today, as staff aggressively fondle each other and exchange body fluids in celebration of Wales’ first game of the competition.

Housing Officer Pete Bowen said: “When I get into work this morning I’m going to bend Alan from IT over the kitchen worktop and dry hump his arse.

“Yes, it’s a different type of interaction to our normal chat about boring computer stuff, but the rugby’s on today and the rule book has gone out of the window.”

Social Worker Theresa Connell said: “I’m so excited the World Cup has started because I’m marching into work this morning and motor boating Carol from Finance while singing “feed me ‘til I want no more”.

“I’ve always wanted to explore Carol some more and really get under that frosty exterior. This is the perfect opportunity to break down some of those barriers. Whey! Rugby!”

Solicitor Rob Gray said: “I’ve come up with a game where if someone shouts ‘oggy, oggy, oggy’ we go and grab someone’s bollocks and shout ‘oi, oi, oi’.

“There’s a new lad starting as a paralegal today and instead of having an induction he’s having an initiation like they do in amateur rugby clubs.

“He’ll pass his probation early if he drinks a pint of his own piss and gargles ‘Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau’. This is what it’s all about! Now cup my testicles!”

Advertisements