The University of Life is hosting its latest freshers event for new students in the Potters Wheel later today.
The University, which has expanded its course portfolio, has announced that today’s event will give like minded undergraduates an opportunity to socialise and enjoy a lecture on ‘putting the world to rights’.
Vice Chancellor Pete Bowen said: “We’ve seen record numbers of students enrolling into UoL this year thanks, in part, to our new BA in Telling It How It Is and BSc in Gammon Culture degrees.
“The freshers events we’ve had so far this week have included rolling your eyes at minorities, abusing pictures of 16 year old Greta Thunberg and creating memes from World War 2 to use in arguments which have nothing to do with war.
“It’s been busy, but there’s some excited pink faces and narrow minds who are raring to go forth and enrich the world with unqualified prejudice.”
BA in Common Sense undergraduate Rob Gray said: “After a stressful week it’ll be nice to unwind with fellow undergraduates before I start my first module about Misogyny in Modern Britain next week.
“I’m looking forward to being in a proper pub with proper British beer and propaganda. Hopefully there’ll be some proper young birds for me to have a proper gander at too!”
BSc in Taking Back Control undergraduate Theresa Connell added: “The Potters Wheel is cheap for us new students, which has nothing to do with nearly out of date beer bought at cheap prices and sold from 8am, and everything to do with us soon being tariff free from tariff carrying immigrants.
“I’m going to get really drunk and have my photo taken by the men’s and women’s toilets because there’s no gender neutral bogs there. I know other people’s bodies better than they do because I read The Sun.”
VC Bowen added: “We don’t want anyone to be glassed so we’ll be serving everything in plastic cups and throwing them into the sea after closing time.
“Recycling is for boys who wear dresses and women who want to earn the same as men.”