Government officials visited Neath this week to understand how bad things may get for other towns in the event of a No Deal Brexit.

Members of a parliamentary working group visited the town yesterday to help them develop disaster strategies to prevent nice places from ending up ‘all Neath like’.

Working group chair Pete Bowen said: “When we accepted this task we all thought that ‘Neath’ was a made up place to put onto Government documentation. Like Walford or a gritty Emmerdale.

“Colleagues spoke of Neath as if it were Narnia. A fictional place, where Kappa never truly left and everyone looked related. So you can understand our scepticism around it’s authenticity.”

MP Theresa Connell said: “It’s the only place I’ve ever been where Premier Inn don’t have a hotel. That immediately rings alarm bells.

“Leaving the station I was met by a number of peadophile stings. I was initially surprised Neath had internet, but it transpired that the sex offenders had actually travelled in from other places which were more on grid.”

Group member Rob Gray said: “Morrison’s appears to be a real central hub of activity in Neath, which is like nothing I’ve ever seen before.

“Neath is however staying true to its market town roots due to the busy entrepreneurs selling class A drugs around the centre of town.”

Chairperson Bowen added: “I’ve taken lots of pictures and will be feeding back that our towns and villages don’t deserve to end up like this.

“It could go either way, some affluent MPs may be frightened by this or a Tory spin doctor may manage to dress Neath up as a cosmopolitan town of the future where it’s perfectly normal to walk around without any trousers on.”

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