A man who tried and failed to buy Glastonbury tickets yesterday will now spend the week telling everyone how crap Glastonbury is these days.
HR Manager Pete Bowen, 40, spent Sunday morning trying to get tickets using four different devices, but admitted after he failed that “it’s commercialised lefty crap anyway”.
Bowen said: “I did get up at 6am yesterday and fastidiously checked my WiFi connection, setting up phones, laptops and tablets to get tickets.
“But I didn’t really want tickets anyway so I win.”
Bowen continued: “I did unreasonably shout at my wife and kids a bit. Not because I was really anxious about missing out on tickets though, I’m just angry that city types go there in Winnebagos now.
“Once I realised I missed out on tickets I went into tantrum mode a little and I broke the kids’ Amazon Fire tablet. Not because I failed though, because middle aged, middle classed people go there wearing glitter on their faces.”
Pete’s wife Theresa said: “We have a long week ahead of us. Pete will be really grumpy and like last year, will tell us that the ‘real Glastonbury is dead’ all week.
“I’ve sent an email to his work colleagues to let them know that he’ll be discussing climbing over fences and hedonism all week, so don’t be caught alone by the water cooler.”
Bowen added: “In the good old days I’d pick up tickets in an independent record shop which sold proper music. Or I’d climb over the fence while off my tits on LSD.
“They’ll probably just have JLS headlining or something so I’m going to go to a proper event for cool middle aged men like The Big Feastival or Creamfields.”