A man who metaphorically walks around with his eyes closed and his fingers in his ears has declared he’s voting Conservative.
37 year old Pete Bowen, who occasionally works for his parents’ company but mainly aimlessly walks around his local area, is so sure of his decision he hasn’t even had to read any facts.
Bowen said: “I don’t need a ‘costed manifesto’ to provide a solution to any problem, I need a catchy slogan. Far more engaging.
“Someone posted a list of 40+ things the Conservatives have done to cause increases in homelessness, child poverty, debt, household debt and loads of other things but that list would’ve taken ages to read.
“Anyway, I go to Mumbles a lot and there’s only like one homeless man so it’s not that bad.”
Bowen’s friend Theresa Connell said: “I work with families across Swansea and see first hand the impact of policies from the last nine years. You don’t have to look too hard to be honest.
“There’s a generation growing up who’ve basically given up already.
“I thought I’d spend some time with Pete to assess what his personal values and morals were. Turns out he has none so he’s probably voting for the most appropriate party.”
Bowen added: “It hurts me that Daddy’s business may have to pay a small amount more of corporation tax because everything in the UK is failing. What if I fancy skiing next year?
“I work really hard for about a day a week so I can inherit it. Why should the people forced to work two jobs for 60 hours a week so they can afford beans for their kids be looked after with my money?
“People complain that things are costing more and wages are going down. Just get your parents to sort it for you!
“I’m focussing on how great the billionaires have it. I reckon I’ll be one some day, I’ve never counted that high before because it’d be exhausting, but I’m pretty sure it’ll happen. It’s only the next one up from million.”