Children innocently settling down to watch films such as Oliver Twist and A Christmas Carol this Christmas will be greeted with a public service message from the Conservative Party.
The message, which will be delivered by gremlin ogre Alun Cairns, will let children know that grow ups across the UK voted to give his party carte blanche to gleefully build on their record of 4 million children already living in poverty.
Tory spokesperson Pete Bowen said: “We really tested the boundaries of basic decency in this election, we didn’t even turn up to interviews and hustings.
“Turns out you lot can’t get enough of being lied to and that the deaths that we cause are no issue whatsoever. So in the words of Theresa May, nothing has changed.
“I had major doubts that saying ‘Get Brexit Done’ over and over again would work but it transpires that I gave you too much credit!”
Bowen continued: “We’ll be rolling out messages to children over Christmas to let them know that poverty, misery and poor children’s welfare will be common place now.
“It’s morally the right thing to do. Ha! I’m just kidding, we just want poor kids to know place!”
Child Theresa Connell said: “My Mummy’s a nurse so she’s not important enough to earn money.
“Thanks to the grownups for voting for things that will harm my chance of being important enough to do nice things. I’m pleased I know how things will work out for me by the age of 8.”