Middle class people in Swansea’s SA3 are using coronavirus as a reason to talk about the fact they’ve been skiing for longer, we can exclusively reveal.

The amateur skiers, who revel in telling everyone about how much money they’ve spent on ski clothing, are using the fact that the virus has been spread on ski resorts for their own gain and boring people with ‘tales from the slopes’ for longer than usual.

Ski enthusiast Theresa Connell said: “Sometimes I develop just enough self-awareness to think I may be a bore talking about my annual skiing holidays with my select group of friends, but this illness thing has added a new twist.

“When people begin to appear disinterested by my hilarious tales of husband swapping and apres-ski antics I just sniff, tell them I feel feverish and suddenly their eyes widen.”

Ski bellend Pete Bowen said: “As much as I enjoy talking at people and referencing skiing phrases that they’ll never understand, I’m still not quite giving enough back.

“The good thing about coronavirus is that anyone can get it. Whereas skiing down a hill dressed as a Flump in goggles is something only the best in society can do.

“I think coronavirus being in Mumbles is positive. I only ever leave to go skiing anyway, build a big bubble around us for all I care. Just don’t bundle West Cross in with us.”

Bad skier Rob Gray said: “I find it rude that people don’t want to listen about my skiing trips or watch hours of my GoPro footage. I worked hard inheriting wealth from my parents to pay for these things.

“Coronavirus has been a nice topic to keep my stories going though. I didn’t catch it which I guess puts me on par with someone whose survived a war or something.”